Insecurities

I bet you all know this feeling:

Did they just laugh at me?

Was this guy over there muttering anything mean under his breath?

That old couple over there totally think that my skirt is too short.

Do I look like a jellyfish in this thing?

You get the idea.

I – as a self-proclaimed strong personality – always tried to hide my insecurities.
By acting like I didn’t care or like I did things on purpose or hiding behind clothes.
Right – the lovely clothes.

Until today I didn’t like to show my legs, because of big scars and bruises (I am also a very clumsy person bumping into everything and anything) and many other ridiculous reasons.
Perhaps it was my subconscious, infected with unhealthy body images, that held me back all these years. So basically the lower part of my body practically never saw the bright, lovely sunlight – except for swimming. Anyway. So today I was wearing thighs along with boots and a dress. But unfortunately the tights were about 5cm too short
(I was too lazy to look for another pair – ahem) and after a few 100m they slipped little by little. Of course there was nowhere where I could hide and fix my little problem.
So what did I do? Right. Walking rather stiffly in order to prevent them from slipping any further. A clothing store was my rescue. Because I didn’t know any way out of this,
I just stuffed my tights in my messenger bag and went without them –
bare legs for the first time in forever! And damn it felt SO good!

Why did I tell you all this? Because some insecurities are simply rubbish!
Why restraining yourself just because others may not like it?

It’s your life, your body, your choice.

Haters gonna hate anyway no matter what you do. It’s impossible to please everybody so you might as well stop trying. Try to please yourself instead. I was very happy when I was back home and I wondered why it took me so long to realize that really nobody cares about my scars or bruises. And to be honest: I guess you couldn’t see them anyway because of my combat boots. But even if you could – I’m not a (photoshopped) model and I never wanted to be one – and I probably never will. But that’s is alright with me – having flaws is much more fun and interesting than being flawless – right?

Have fun embracing your flaws – I’m off being all awkward and clumsy ;)

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